


Got Me Goin' Mad When You Look like That

by knarcelestial



Category: Deadpool (2016) RPF, Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Boyfriends, Coffee Shops, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grocery Shopping, Horrible Puns, Jealousy, M/M, Muscles, Possessive Behavior, Protective Peter Parker, Sassy Peter, Sweet Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson Appreciation Fic, Wade is a fucking Cutie, like lots of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-07-29 20:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knarcelestial/pseuds/knarcelestial
Summary: It baffles Peter how oblivious Wade is to the fact that he’s fucking hot. There really isn’t anything to argue about.Sure, the man was beautiful before Weapon X. But, really, Peter isn’t blind. There’s a different sort of artistry that comes from after that Wade just doesn’t seem to understand.orFive times people thoroughly appreciate Wade Wilson and the one time a Frustrated Peter Parker does something about it.





	1. One

1.

It baffles Peter how oblivious Wade is to the fact that he’s fucking hot.

There really isn’t anything to argue about. 

Sure, the man was beautiful before Weapon X. But, really, Peter isn’t blind. There’s a different sort of artistry that comes from  _ after _ that Wade doesn’t seem to understand. 

The awakened mutant genes sourced rapid cell regeneration, also meaning Wade was constantly generating muscle. A fact that was  _ very  _ clear when the man wore nearly any piece of clothing short of baggy. The broad shoulders strained the fabric until it was taut, like the smallest of tension could tear at the threads until they unravelled across his chest. 

Corded veins ran across his body through dips and valleys that wouldn’t normally be defined without the rough texture of his skin. The skin itself was wondrously soft, scars shifting from minute to minute. The shifting grooves created an illusion of fluidity, like rampant colors flourishing across a painted canvas. 

The surfaced hollows of his face created deep shadows that defined his chiselled bone structure, showcasing a sharp jawline, a straight nose, and deep cheekbones. 

Wade was sexy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just Peter that thought so.  
  


It wasn’t the first time that it happened; but, it was definitely the first time that caused that ugly green monster to rear its head out of that deep burrow in his mind. 

Peter took the liberty to drag Wade’s ass out of their apartment to go grocery shopping for food that didn’t fall under the categories of a) candy and b) junk. He’d had to bribe the older man with post-Mexican take out and a couple of batted lashes to get him with the game, but eventually he gave in begrudgingly. 

So here they were. In the middle of the frozen desserts aisle at Target, arguing whether to get Classic Vanilla bean or Fudgy Chocolate Chunks. People are starting to stare and wow, they should really  _ chill _ . Hah. Get it. Because they’re in the middle of the- Right.

Peter grabs the Classic Vanilla tub out of the freezer and chucks it into their cart, ignoring a horrified choke from his boyfriend. 

Wade follows along like a kicked puppy and doesn’t wipe the pout off of his face until Peter tells him that he gets dibs on picking cereal instead. 

Wade ends up with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cocoa Puffs, and Trix in his arms, and stares at them long enough that Peter grumbles and dumps all of them into their cart. He knows Wade will just end up mixing them up in a bowl anyways. 

His boyfriend squeals and wraps him up in a thick bear hug that would’ve left a weaker man wanting. 

Peter hums. “I know, baby. Gonna’ gimme some of that suga’ when we’re home?” 

Wade pulls back just far enough to peak at him, his voice taking on a deeper pitch when he whispers, “Oh honey,  _ honey _ . You know it.” 

Peter cackles at the pun. “Alright get off. We don’t need to get kicked out like we did last time.” 

Wade perks his lips, thinking. “Hm, don’t seem to recall. Care to remind me?” 

“How about, no. Now come on, we need to go grab some eggplant and lettuce for the lasagna.” 

Wade’s cheshire grin would put the Cat out of business. “Yes. Lettuce go get that eggplant to put it in-” 

Peter glares at him. “Don’t finish that sentence.” 

“Ooooh. Someone’s a little parsnippy.” 

“I hate you.”

*** 

They wind up back in the cereal aisle because as much as Peter would love to watch Wade shove literal diabetes into his veins, he’d rather get a healthier breakfast substitute for himself. He’s debating between good, Quaker Oats and Fiber One when he hears someone approach them. 

“Hi! So sorry to disturb you sir, could you help us out really quick?” He hears a chipper voice ask. 

Wade responds pleasantly, “What can we help you ladies with?” 

Peter turns around and throws them a quick smile in greeting, because his Aunt didn’t raise an impolite man, but gets back to his choices when he realizes Wade has the situation handled. 

“We can’t reach a box on the top shelf, we were wondering if you could grab it for us?” 

Wade smiles and nods, “Sure thing. Lead the way.” 

Peter ends up picking the oats because he’s old fashioned that way and smiles thinking about Wade’s look of disgust when he explains he doesn’t need to dump an entire bottle of honey in there to balance out the bland taste. 

The pleasant feeling quickly fades, however, when he turns around to find his boyfriend being ogled. 

Wade reaches to grab cereal on the top shelf. He doesn’t really have to try with his height, but just the motion of it causes his back to tense. Those rigid muscles in his arms flex, his shirt rises up just that small amount to tease at the v-line that hides beneath those low-waisted sweatpants he’s wearing. 

The women seem to notice too. Really, that’s the only thing they seem to be focused on, so much so that one of them actually startles when Wade turns around. A kind smile on his face, he hands over their cereal. “Here you go.” 

Her friend leans a couple inches too far into his space and asks, “Do you mind grabbing mine, as well?” She points a slim, painted fingernail at the top shelf again, but this time the box is pushed back from the front. 

Wade’s going to have to jump this time and the fact seems to fill the women with delight. 

Wade turns around again and when he stretches again, his tee does ride up a couple of inches this time. No more of a tease than a full on frontal view and Peter watches with a clenched jaw as one woman bites her lip  _ hard _ . The other squeezes her hands like it’s the only thing restraining her from actually reaching out to grab Wade. 

Wade’s calves bulge from lifting himself up and his ass looks like it should be framed because it’s perfection. It really is an obscene view from all angles and Peter has had enough. Because that’s  _ his _ view. And  _ only _ his view of his boyfriend. 

Peter huffs and marches over there until he has the attention of all three people, then fists Wade’s shirt and drags him down into a smouldering kiss. 

He takes pleasure in hearing the women’s scandalized gasps and hums into his boyfriend’s lips. Wade reciprocates like instinct, large hands settling around his waist, but makes a confused sound when they pull apart. 

“What was that about?” He asks, an amused grin on his face. 

The women are nowhere to be seen and somewhere inside Peter, he bristles with pride. Good. 

“Hm? Nothing. Can’t I want to kiss my boyfriend wherever I please?” 

Wade narrows his eyes at him, “Mhm, sure. What happened to not wanting to get kicked out?” 

Peter whines and tugs at Wade’s collar, silently pleading for him to bend down again. “Screw that. Totally worth it.” 

And hell if Wade was planning on saying no to that. 

Spoiler alert: they end up getting kicked out again.

  
  



	2. Two

2.

Peter and Wade frequent a small, comfy, locally-owned coffee shop a few blocks away from their place because screw capitalism and Starbucks. That’s Basic BitchTM haunting grounds.

The coffee is honestly amazing, a natural blend versus the manufactured taste of all of the Chain places. And a little secret spice goes into their baked goods that wafts a delightful aroma right out the door. It’s the smell that initially got them hooked, honestly, and ever since they’ve been coming in whenever they can to grab a bite.

This time was no different. It was a random Tuesday where both of their schedules, surprisingly and blissfully, fell in line with one another’s. Peter had a class on campus in another hour and was typing away furiously at his laptop to complete an essay that was due at the end of the day.

Wade sat opposite him in the booth, their legs entangled beneath the table. The older man flicked through files on his Ipad, most likely conducting very illegal activities for a client.

Peter sent him a disapproving look over their devices and Wade smirked. “What?! It’s just a little hacking- oh, don’t you give me that look, you little shit. Need I remind you of that little stunt you and Ned pulled off when you first got your suit? What was it, again? The Baby Monitor protocol, adorable. Really.”

Peter smiled at him and kicked him underneath the table without flinching. “Love you, babe.”

Wade wheezed in pain and gave him a thumbs up.

The next couple of minutes passed in comfortable silence as they both worked on their respective assignments. Peter was so caught up with his paper, he didn’t notice Wade getting up to go grab them some food. When his boyfriend settled back down, he had two sandwiches with him and a coffee. A hot black by the looks of it, Wade’s usual go to and on it, Peter’s eyes zoned in to find a nine digit number written in neat script. Right there. In black sharpie, beneath Wade’s own name on the side of his cup.

Peter turned around in his seat to the counter where a girl nervously flirted with her phone, only half-heartedly paying attention to it while her eyes kept flicking on over to Wade. Most definitely, expecting a reaction.

Peter held his breath in anticipation as the world slowed down and Wade turned his cup around to get at the lid’s opening. He paused painstakingly for a second, before his body clenched up like a clam. Wade stared at the digits like they were written in Greek and Roman letters, not daring to chance a look over at the barista.

To everyone’s horror, the girl saunters over to their table and clears her throat. Both of them flinch and Peter swears he hears a little squeak escape his boyfriend.

Wade, puts on face, and smiles forcibly. “Um, I think you gave me the wrong cup.” He says, handing the coffee back to her.

The girl blushes and wraps her hand around the cup to caress Wade’s fingers like this is the beginning of some God damn Meet Cute fanfic or something.

This time, Peter clears his throat and they both jump apart.

Wade snatches his hand back like he’d been burned. He quickly averts his gaze and looks on at the drink in his hand with a hopeless frown. Peter sympathizes.

The girl stands there and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “No, I didn’t give you the wrong cup. I-it’s just, you always leave me these hundred dollar bills and tell me to keep the change. You’re so kind and responsive, a very good listener when I tell you how my day’s going. And you’re so hot too, you know?”

Peter sits back and watches on with an amused smile, eager to hear his boyfriend’s response. Wade doesn’t seem to have processed that spiel because he hasn’t stopped looking at the coffee cup since she’d first given it back to him. “What does this DTF mean, you wrote it beneath your name on here?”

She flicks a nervous glance at Peter- like he’d somehow stop her this far along into the conversation- but then shrugs like she’s saying ‘fuck it’ and blurts, “Down to Fuck. Like anytime honestly.”

Wade tenses up even more at that, if that’s even possible at this point. His voice is unnaturally high as he squeaks out, “I have a boyfriend!”

The girl fidgets in her spot, twirling her fingers around the other. “_Um_, yeah, I kind of know that already. Hard to miss when you both act all lovey dovey with each other when you come in.”

Wade doesn’t respond to that. Honestly, how does anyone respond to that? He instead folds his hands across his lap and waits, probably contemplating going into hiding in the near future. That’s Peter’s cue to intervene.

“I think you broke my boyfriend.” He says, looking up at her with a little smile, fully entertained.

Peter doesn’t let her get a response in because he knows he’s not going to like the answer. He grabs Wade’s hand and pulls him out of the booth. “We’re going to leave now. But, like, please figure your shit out, because I like the food here too much to never come back because of this little incident, yeah? Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’m going to go tuck Wade into bed until he restarts.”

Wade follows him out the door, mum and still definitely in shock. Peter scoffs disbelievingly, “God, I can’t take you anywhere!”


	3. Three

3.

They both finally have a day off. Atleast, Peter does from college, he’s not really sure what ‘a day off’ looks like in the mercenary field, but that’s what Wade announced as soon as he got out of bed, so he’s going to go with it.

So, as they should, they go out on a date. A proper one. Because one too many nights spent shacked up at the Mexican place around the corner was just too much for him. Peter wants to be wined and dined, and so far the night was definitely living up to his expectations.

Wade had booked them reservations at La Grenouille, a fancy french restaurant near the upper west side of Manhattan. Peter’s pretty sure it usually takes around three weeks to get seats at the place, but Wade had magically conjured up tickets the night before.

Peter asked him about it at some point, to which Wade responded with an amused chuckle and a head shake. Peter prefers not to question his ways if they’re not a) illegal or b) bad bad Bad, so he leaves it at that.

They just finished up with dinner and decided to take a night time stroll to burn off some calories- not that either of them needed to with their super metabolisms, it was really just a pleasurable thing- when it happens.

Wade’s carrying the bottle of champagne they’d bought at the restaurant in one hand, the other arm thrown over Peter’s shoulders. The sign turns green, they’re about to cross the street, when a random passerby blurts out, “Damn Daddy! What that package do?”

Peter whips around on instinct, enhanced senses honing in on the commentator on the sidewalk. It’s a young male, around Peter’s age, dressed up in tight fitting clothes just like the rest of his friends, probably coming back from a night of clubbing. His friends are laughing at him, turning the guy’s face a vibrant red. From the looks of it, he probably hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Wade just snorts and tugs at his arm until Peter starts walking again. But, he can’t seem to get the incidence out of his head.

Wade_ is_ packed. Completely hung, in fact, and Peter would know. He’s had first hand experience after all. But, that’s for him to know and _only_ him. Wade is _his_. To completely own and love. Peter frowns at the unhealthy tone of that thought. He’d felt jealous before, sure, but this possessiveness was new.

Maybe he should talk it out. Letting these feelings fester will do him no good.

Peter still can’t help it when he pouts for the rest of the way home. Wade kisses the the crinkle off of his face which leads to a couple more and then some. Peter’s gotta say, it’s not the worst way to make things better anyways.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning! 
> 
> Guys, there's mild hinting at past rape/ non-con in this chapter. If anything of this sort triggers you, please don't read!

4.

They’re patrolling again after a week long hiatus due to a bug related infestation in their kitchen- Wade hid a hotdog underneath their sink after Peter yelled at him about diabetes and heartburn, then forgot about the damn thing, and left it there for two weeks- but, now they’re back at it again. Ha.

It started off as a slow night, they’d only had to stop two burglaries and one attempted murder so far. And they were just about to turn in for the night when suddenly, fights started picking up around the city within blocks of one another. All short, harmless feuds that when settled, neither of the victims could remember why they’d started at one another in the first place. It _was_ rather peculiar, enough so that Peter’s spidey sense tingled before every encounter.

It was starting to become unnerving after the eighth fight that they’d stopped when Peter finally spotted her. She was cloaked in the shadows to be unseen by any regular passerby, but leaning into the light enough to be found by those who were looking.

Wade was preventing two people from lunging at one another by their scruffs when Peter pokes him.

“What is it, baby?”

“Ah, Red? Creepy lady in the corner at our 3 o’clock.”

Wade drops the citizens like they’re rag dolls and turns to face the mouth of the alley. Peter hears them scrambling out and figures it’s for the better.

A woman, tall, lean, and confident, steps out of the dark and saunters up to him in tall heels. She’s wearing a red cocktail dress, skin tight and shimmering. Peter doesn’t know how he’d missed it, it must be some sort of trick of the light.

“Well, hello there, baby.” She coos, a long, manicured fingernail caressing Wade’s jaw. Wade immediately clenches up, leather gloves squeaking as they’re balled into fists. “Shiklah.”

Peter’s mouth drops. “Shik-wah?”

  
The lady hums. “Shiklah, Queen of the undead, Wade’s ex- girlfriend. Nice to meet you, Spiderman.”

Peter’s face contorts before he can reign it in, and of course Wade picks up on it. His boyfriend was always perceptive, especially when it came to Peter. Wade frowns and snaps at her, “No you’re not, Shiklah.” He walks over to the younger man and wraps an arm around his waist, a much needed grounding presence for the younger man. He nuzzles his masked nose into Peter’s equally suited shoulder.

Shiklah scoffs and folds her arms across her chest. “I came to win you back, Wade.” She deadpans.

Peter splutters, “You came to what now?”

Wade slowly uncurls himself from Peter’s side and stands up straight. Stiff and closed off and Peter hates it. It sounds like he’s spitting fire when he speaks next, “Walk away, Shiklah. We didn’t work out for a reason.”

Shiklah laughs with full force. Her black mane thrown back as her cackles ring loud between the close walls of the alley. “Oh come on, Wilson. You can’t deny this spark between us.” She says, taking a long stride towards him.

Wade takes a step back. “There never _was_ one. You’re obsessed. Always have been. You’re seeing things where they don’t exist. That night- that was nothing. You almost killed me, and then when that didn’t work you just used your powers to-” Wade’s breath hitches and he grips Peter’s shoulder like an anchor.

“Oh, honey. You know you loved it. You came crawling back to me again and again. You know you wanted it.”

Wade shook his head. “No. I- i didn’t. If I did that night, it wasn’t of my own choice.”

Shiklah’s grin tinted with a shade of danger. “I made you fall in love with me once and I can sure as hell do it again. Just give me one kiss, baby. Just one.”

“Enough.” Peter’s voice rang out loud and clear, he thwips out a webbing to bind her feet into place. “Enough.” He repeats, placing a threatening foot forward.

Skiklah chuckles again and the grating sound was really starting to piss Peter off. “What are you planning on doing, Spiderman? Shoot webs at me until I slow down? My powers transcend whatever you can dare to dream of. I’ll just come back again and again. I _will_ find him. You’re not capable of killing, Spiderman. There’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

Peter holds up a hand like a barrier. “Dracula.”

The name makes her freeze in place. She raises a bony finger and points it at Peter. “How do you know of that name?”

Peter ignores her question. “Is that why you’re here, Shiklah? You need Wade to protect you from him again?”

The woman shakes her head, “_No_. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Spiderman lowers his hand. “We can help you, Shiklah. The Avengers, they can figure out how to protect you. They _can._ You need to trust us.”

Shiklah’s eyes shimmer as she holds back tears. “He’s very dangerous.”

“We can stop him.”

She takes a shaky breath, “You’re underestimating him, Spiderman.”

“Maybe.” Peter pauses. “But,_ this_, whatever you came here to do. You’re not helping your case. This thing that you have for Wade. It’s not love, it’s fear. It’s dependence stemmed from survival and it’s not healthy. You need to let him go. _Please_. For him, for me, and for you.”

Shiklah stays quiet, and Peter can see her thoughts as clear as day in her eyes. “Be careful.”

And just as she came, she disappears. Her body melting into the shadows behind her. Peter’s sure he’s going to be getting a call from Mr. Stark very soon.

He puts that all out of his mind for now, because he needs to be here for Wade. He’s his first priority, after May, always his first.

“Wade.” He reaches a hesitant hand towards his boyfriend and wraps it around the front of his shoulder holster. “Are you okay?”

It’s eerie to see how dull his usually expressive mask has become. Wade doesn’t answer. “Do you want me to take us home?”

Several moments pass, and it seems like he’s not going to answer again, but then he nods his head slowly. Peter hums and reaches around with his other arm to wrap him into a tight hug. He hopes their size difference doesn’t lessen the comfort but Wade doesn’t seem to mind. He just wraps himself around him like he’s a lifeline, someone that reminds him of everything but his past. Peter tightens his hold and pushes Wade’s head into the crook of his neck.

It surprises Peter when Wade rips his mask off and throws it onto the ground. Peter doesn’t say anything, just runs his fingers down his neck, soothing him.

“You’re okay. I got you. I got you, Wade.” But, the small sobs that wreck through his body don’t do anything to reassure Peter.

Peter doesn’t let go though, just holds him until the crying has stopped and Wade’s body goes limp in his arms. Thank god for his powers or else he’s sure they would’ve ended up in a heap right then and there.

Peter eventually swings them home. As soon as they enter the apartment, he lays Wade down on their bed. He undresses him slowly, gently, placing kisses across his skin as he goes.

Wade lays still for the most of it, but when Peter takes off his own suit, the older man drags him onto the bed with him and pulls him into his side. Peter tucks into him with no qualms. Wade breathes him in, and it seems to help calm him.

They lay in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Wade breaks it. “How did you know about her?”

Peter shrugs. “I, unlike you, do my homework with S.H.I.E.L.D. I read her file a while back when we were at the Compound looking for causes behind that vampire invasion a couple of years ago.”

Wade huffs, but Peter can hear the smile in his voice. “Mhm, and this has nothing to do with the fact that you also somehow seem to have a great amount of general knowledge about Cassidy, Death, Nathan, and Anastasia, huh?”

Peter whips his head around. “Wait, Anastasia? Who is that?”

Wade hums and tucks Peter’s head back into his neck. “Shh, just sleep, my jealous little arachnid.”

“No but, who’s Anastasia?”


	5. Five

5.

It’s three o’clock in the morning when the call comes.

Peter’s not exactly sure whether he answers as a conscious decision or to just stop the damn thing from ringing.

“Helluh.” He slurs into the speakerphone, “Who dis?”

“PETER!”is the answering scream. Well, fuck then, Peter’s definitely awake now.

“Ugh, what. What do you want?” He grumbles, sitting up in his bed and switching on his bed lamp.

“Peter, you won’t believe the crazy fucking night that I’ve just had. It’s ridiculous, honestly. Like if you called me and told me this story i’d call you crazy, it was that crazy-”

“Liz.” Peter hisses, effectively cutting her off, “I love you, but if you don’t get to your point in the next thirty seconds I’m hanging up.”

“Right, right. Okay, so-” He hears shuffling in the background, and aggressive typing, she’s probably logging this into her website journal already, “I was walking home from college at midnight because I got hung up with work in the labs again, right? And, I was in the neighbourhood when this guy comes up behind me and tries to mug me-”

“Oh my God, Liz! Are you okay?!”

She plows on with her monologue, “I thought that was it, Pete, like I was like this is how I die right, but then this guy comes out of nowhere and clunks the mugger on the head with the bottom of his sword and knocks him out. I _swooned_, Peter. You don’t even know. He was masked head to toe in this tight, red, leather costume and the _muscles_, Peter, the _muscles_. Mm. I wanted to jump him then and there. He was so fucking polite, too. Walked me all the way home. I was totally going to ask for a kiss, but controlled myself and just asked for his number instead. He told me he was dating another super tho? I’m literally so sad-”

Peter heaves a heavy sigh, “Spiderman.”

Liz pauses, finally. “What?”

“He’s dating Spiderman.” Peter repeats.

Liz squeals so loud, Peter has to pull the speaker away from his ear, “He’s so fucking hot, though. I might just go and get myself into trouble just in hopes of seeing him again bro. Oh my god, I want him to do such filthy things to me, oof-”

He doesn’t know what takes over him right then, but he hates that that sick little monster inside of him has that much power over him. “Mine.” He growls, “He’s mine, Liz. Back _off_.”

He hears the static crackle over the line, sees the metaphorical gears turning in her head. There’s a reason they had such a strong rivalry in high school, she wasn’t exactly _dumb_. It was only a matter of time before she’d make the connection. “Peter…”

Peter does the only thing he can think of in that split second, takes his phone and chucks it across the room. The panic makes him forego his usual control, sending the metal device straight through the plaster, a cloud of white particles bursting at the impact.

“Fuck” He curses, wringing his fingers through his hair. “Fuck.”

He needed to do something about this, this _feeling_ that festered inside of him. It was becoming more than just an inconvenience at this point; it was borderline unhealthy. He’d almost told Liz about his biggest secret, a secret he’d kept in the first place to keep his loved ones safe (MJ and Ned found out by accident, they don’t count). Heck, she’d probably _already_ figured it out by now. Peter’s sure his phone would be ringing from her calls if he hadn’t just smashed it into hundreds of tiny pieces.

He needs to talk to Wade. They need to figure things out together before things can get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, school started for me and is already kicking my ass. Sorry for the late post, fellas. Comment below! Let me know what you think of the story so far, next and final chapter shall be up soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Yuh Yuh, Leave comments folks! I love hearing your guys' thoughts about my stuff :')


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